The Olympics,Pride of Country& Immigration

Today brought back some memories of days long gone by.
I can remember sitting and watching the Olympics loving it,
mostly because I got to see so many people from places I would never have the chance to go
And watching my country win medals was a secondary pleasure.
But something is different now
I do feel pride when I hear the national anthem but it is not the same pride I had a young girl.
Its more of a memory thing I think like I know that song use to make me feel proud to be an American, yet now I am confused at how I feel about my country.
I know I am lucky beyond belief to live in such a wonderful place
Yet I feel like my country has betrayed me and my family.
Like they once again have shown indifference to me.
The first time I felt this way was after being raped at age twelve, going through all that only to have my rapist given a slap on the wrist
When I still deal with the pain of it, but it was like no one cared.
Thus the years of mental illness that to this day plague me.
I thought I had gotten over the way I was treated by the government (the judge)
But when Martin was deported I remember thinking how little my own country cared about me or my family.
So while watching the Olympics tonight when I saw our flag raised the mixed up feeling started once again.
I know people die to come to this country yet
I feel like an outsider or as I often refer to myself and family an Invisible American
Tossed aside because of who I chose to marry
And the irony of it is I chose to marry a Mexican National for the love and closeness their families have
One of the main reasons for marring who I married
My country once again took that away from me.
There were many other reasons I married Martin but seeing how he was with his family was huge
The closeness even when they were so far away
Calling his mother almost weekly, the closeness with his siblings, aunts, uncles all of that.
I lived on my own since the age of 15 and I was finally going to have a family
What a great feeling that was all I had gone through on the streets could be left behind.
But my country took it all away.
And once again I am so close to being homeless
But this time the stakes are much higher as I have two kids
Two kids that I never want to experience what hell is out there.
So needless to say having Pride of Country at this time is so very hard.
Once again a judge will decide what will happen in my life
The difference this time is he will also decide the fate of my family
I am strong and the judge in the rape case made a horrible mistake
But that was back in the seventies it did change me but as did the rape
Yet this decision will change more than just me
And it scares the hell out of me.
So I would like to hear the national anthem and feel proud to be an American
I want to have pride in my country again
I want my family back.

I love you, Martin