tears, pain and the heart

tears keep coming
I don't know how to stop them
the pain is so intense I think it will never stop
or even lessen
my heart feels like it has finally broken in half
the intense feeling I am feeling are breath taking

I don't know if I can make it through this
I don't even know why it is happening now today
Why??
Its not like this is new its been going on for five years why now
All the dark thoughts that fill my brain scare me
Its been so long since I have had them
I am older now and can deal better but they still scare the shit out of me
All the pain is not helping things

As I type tears stream down my face
All I can do is wish you were here to help me through this
Your not and I don't know if I can make it through without you
I am really scared Martin
I need you here now

You are my medication
Your arms heal me more than any pill or therapist can
The sound of your voice heals my pain
Your hands wipe the tears from my face

I feel so weak
So alone
I want my life back
I am tired of fighting alone
What will I do if you are not allowed to come back
How can I make it without you
I can't I know this
You have kept me strong for 18 years
I can't do this with out you

Come home
I love you